I’m thinking about all the times I still use terms like this. I’m not proud of them, but after reading your essay, I’m realizing, these phrases serve as modifiers, to communicate I don’t feel safe with someone so let me slide this “no homo, or pause” as a way to protect myself. I feel the same way when we also tag, the word “bro” after the word “I love you.” Just parsing through some ideas here. Appreciate you.
Right there with you. The homophobia is so ingrained in us. It’s so pervasive in the systems we live within and beneath. And I have hope that these moments of truth with ourselves and others will help set us free. Over and over again. As many times as we need it.
“Any Black boy who did not signify how manly he was at all times deserved to be punched back up to God to be remade, reshaped.” This line hit me in my chest when I read Punch Me Up to the Gods. Square in my chest. Such vivid and powerful writing. And just earlier today I downloaded All About Love and The Will to Change, so hopefully, me emotional education is about to be on 3000!
This is what the culture needs. It’s funny cause it’s glazing now, then (maybe still) the qualifier was “no homo.” Please keep loving Black men out loud. Please keep writing and sharing what’s possible for y’all!
I appreciate you reading, and I’m so thankful for the encouragement! “Pause” is another one I remember. The discomfort, the self-policing, the ways we try to protect ourselves. We’re constantly on watch, trying to adapt to the ever-shifting restrictions. But I have to believe freedom is within reach. Thank you again, Qubilah!
Fantastic piece, made me think about how free I feel (or don’t feel) to praise / love other men without a qualifier. Appreciate your references and research. It’s clear that you take your opinions and lived experiences and blend them with other writers/opinions/voices, which I’m working at improving on myself. The attention to detail is noticeable!
Thanks for sitting with this one and thinking about it deeply, Lansing. I don’t arrive to any of this without the teachers who helped me shape me along the way. When it comes to masculinity, I always return to the words of bell hooks & Brian Broome. I appreciate how Kiese Laymon has modeled care & openness, too. It’s a blessing to sit at their feet.
Thank you for sitting with this one, Ama. And I’m happy you checked out that Yachty & Bon Iver interview. The mutual admiration on full display is so fun to witness!
Thanks for making the time to read this one, Eleanor. I never thought an essay about glazing could be lovely, so I appreciate you showing me what’s possible.
I’m thinking about all the times I still use terms like this. I’m not proud of them, but after reading your essay, I’m realizing, these phrases serve as modifiers, to communicate I don’t feel safe with someone so let me slide this “no homo, or pause” as a way to protect myself. I feel the same way when we also tag, the word “bro” after the word “I love you.” Just parsing through some ideas here. Appreciate you.
Right there with you. The homophobia is so ingrained in us. It’s so pervasive in the systems we live within and beneath. And I have hope that these moments of truth with ourselves and others will help set us free. Over and over again. As many times as we need it.
Not me thinking this was really going to be about donuts 🤪
Beautiful by the way 💕
Donuts looking good as hell 🤣🤣 thank you!!
hahahahahahahahahahaa!!
Sharing this on my Instagram story and encouraging every straight Black man I know to read this
That’s love, fam. Thank you!!
this is such a beautiful reminder to understand the root of the things we say and embody. love this essay and i love you friend.
I love you, Ayan. Thank you for reading and always making time for my work 🫶🏽
ok I’ll say it.
I love you.
Always have and will. thanks for these words 🙏🏿
🫂
I love you too, with all my heart! Thanks for being a consistent presence of warmth in my life 🫂
“Any Black boy who did not signify how manly he was at all times deserved to be punched back up to God to be remade, reshaped.” This line hit me in my chest when I read Punch Me Up to the Gods. Square in my chest. Such vivid and powerful writing. And just earlier today I downloaded All About Love and The Will to Change, so hopefully, me emotional education is about to be on 3000!
All of those are pivotal reads for me. Hope you enjoy those bell hooks joints!
This is what the culture needs. It’s funny cause it’s glazing now, then (maybe still) the qualifier was “no homo.” Please keep loving Black men out loud. Please keep writing and sharing what’s possible for y’all!
I appreciate you reading, and I’m so thankful for the encouragement! “Pause” is another one I remember. The discomfort, the self-policing, the ways we try to protect ourselves. We’re constantly on watch, trying to adapt to the ever-shifting restrictions. But I have to believe freedom is within reach. Thank you again, Qubilah!
alex, this is such a beautiful read!
Thank you!! I’m happy you made the time to read 🥹🥲
alex i say this so genuinely — always for you!
Learned so much reading this. Thank you
Thank you for reading! I really appreciate you making the time 🙏🏽
The way you took this on man.. jeepers. I’m just sitting on my couch shaking my head, saying ‘sheeeesh’
It’s so cool to me that you read my work. You got me sitting here doing the same thing 😮💨
Fantastic piece, made me think about how free I feel (or don’t feel) to praise / love other men without a qualifier. Appreciate your references and research. It’s clear that you take your opinions and lived experiences and blend them with other writers/opinions/voices, which I’m working at improving on myself. The attention to detail is noticeable!
Thanks for sitting with this one and thinking about it deeply, Lansing. I don’t arrive to any of this without the teachers who helped me shape me along the way. When it comes to masculinity, I always return to the words of bell hooks & Brian Broome. I appreciate how Kiese Laymon has modeled care & openness, too. It’s a blessing to sit at their feet.
literal chills, absolutely loved this Alex
🥺🥺 thank you so much for reading
Thank you for this!!
The two bits I'm holding closest right now:
+ “That’s because, under patriarchy, the worst thing for masculinity is to resemble femininity.”
+ "This love—our love—deserves to breathe."
And that Lil Yachty/ Justin Vernon interview is a gift as well... and I love that I only found it through your sharing it too.
Thank you for sitting with this one, Ama. And I’m happy you checked out that Yachty & Bon Iver interview. The mutual admiration on full display is so fun to witness!
Alex, this was so lovely
Thanks for making the time to read this one, Eleanor. I never thought an essay about glazing could be lovely, so I appreciate you showing me what’s possible.