This is such a great read. My father didn't have his father so I saw first hand what that does to a man and how much extra work and healing it requires to grow. I'm happy public figures like Tyler and Kendrick are addressing it through their music and publicly as a whole our boys understand that it's okay to wonder but also understand it's a healing process.
Thank you so much, I appreciate you making time to read this one. Healing is absolutely a process, and the growth doesn’t come easy. But we’re better because of those who have embarked on that journey toward wholeheartedness and invited us to join them through their bravery and honesty.
Alex I listened to this without my snacks, on an empty stomach at 6am, but I digested this like a whole meal.
This triggers the fuck out of me but from a male perspective I get it. Respected.
I'm thinking of my father and our talks. Listening to his stories of his childhood was difficult. I would be halfway through my 30s when he finally takes off his mask to me. I see a man that is still angry with his mother and growing up without his father active in his life. The poor black boy from Columbus, MS that grew up too soon and witnessed too much. He dreamed of the ideal family he always wanted as a kid and wasn't able to achieve that as an adult.
How can he be a good father to me if he mirrors the same behavior of his father? He tried but he doesn't get father of the year. I parted ways from him because our relationship became too complicated. But I still love him though. I turned out ok.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. This was great to listen to.🤎
“I see a man that is still angry with his mother and growing up without his father active in his life. The poor black boy from Columbus, MS that grew up too soon and witnessed too much. He dreamed of the ideal family he always wanted as a kid and wasn't able to achieve that as an adult.”
this has given me a number to reflect on, Alex. Damn!
i never thought about this angle from the lens of my father but as i read this, certain things came up. And now, i think i have clues as to why things played out the way they did.
there’s a line from noah kahan’s “Growing sideways” song that says; I’m still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them”
as i clocked 30 couple months back, clarity on so many levels hit me. But thanks to folks like you who take off the mask every day on this app, it makes it easy for me to self reflect. 🫂
I understand that parents don't want to share their painful pasts with their kids. I listened the stories from my father, mother and maternal grandmother. Each of them carrying the sins and curses from their parents. My parents didn't have anyone to talk to but the weight was lifted knowing they could confide in me. Giving them permission to get up and walk in peace because they've been shackled to the past.
When my parents get called to the ancestors, I don't want to be left wondering who they were...even if its ugly.
This is beautiful. Just want to say I appreciate y’all sharing yourselves with me. I didn’t even know if anyone would venture into this essay because of its length, so it’s throwing me for a loop to witness you both sharing hard but necessary truths here. I’m thankful these words could meet y’all where you are even if painful.
It's definitely worth listening to and it's something to think about. We see how we live without them, but what would our lives be like with them actively around? Does our craft fill the dark void from absent or part time fathers? For most.
As an artist, I've created both visual + literary arts from places of hurt when I dwell on the memories of my father. I asked him the tough questions and he answered them honestly, leaving me saddened, angry + disgusted. I'm hurt because we wanted the same thing. He needed his father and I needed him.
Does it take unsettled ill feelings to produce masterpieces? Probably because we're trying to let them go. They're our confessions while trying to "make peace" with it all.
This is an incredible, and necessary, piece of writing. Thank you for the effort and willingness to share this with us. I know a few Black men I’ll be sending this too
Thank you for the effort and willingness to read it. I know this one was a beast lol. But thank you, brother. You’re a model of generative writing for so many of us on here, and I’m grateful to be a part of that lineage. You blessed me fam 🙏🏽
I want every man I know to read this. Even with father around the toxic tropes of masculinity really mess so much up! Do undo this takes immense courage. Unfortunately most men don’t have it
This was a great read Alex, and it’s been something on my mind for a long time so I’m glad someone put pen to pad. Father Time from Kendrick is the one that always gets me because it’s so reflective of my own relationship with my father, and how as an adult I’m trying to unpack the real lessons, harms, shortfalls and moments of clarity. Bravo to you homie, as usual your pen and your voice ring clear and true!
Father Time is such a special song, man. I’m so glad we have it. And I’m so glad you made time to sit with this one. You’re my fellow rap nerd on here, and it’s a gift to get to love this genre with you.
Thank you so much for reading! It’s such a great song and has stuck with me since it came out. I appreciate the emotional vulnerability and hope we get more songs like it
Dope post man. I really love the way you weave the growth of these three artists into a larger, important argument about the need for men with their own daddy issues to step up and find a way, too. Excellent.
The bit about parents being handed “imperfect instructions” is realer than real. For many of us, understanding and forgiving them is a lifelong pursuit.
This was a fantastic read. I teared up as you mentioned wanting father figures. I just recently realized I wanted mother figures in the women I used to work for. I wanted them to give me grace, and validate me like I needed my mom too. This was beautiful. Thank you for your words!
Thank you so much, Diamonde. I’m honored you took the time to read this essay and share how it resonated with you. I don’t take that lightly, it’s a gift and encourages me to keep returning to the page. Consciously and unconsciously, for better or worse, we look for the things we didn’t have when we were kids. Hoping we find what we need, even if it’s within ourselves.
I know it's almost an aside here, but I got a lot of comfort in reading "I don’t know if I’ll ever have kids" - I'm in the same boat, but it's not a pov I see very often in media. Thank you for showing us yourself and letting us relate. Beautiful work as always
I like to be open about it when I can for that exact reason! There’s comfort in knowing we’re not alone. Thanks for helping me feel that today. And thanks for reading this one, it means a lot 🫂
This is such a great read. My father didn't have his father so I saw first hand what that does to a man and how much extra work and healing it requires to grow. I'm happy public figures like Tyler and Kendrick are addressing it through their music and publicly as a whole our boys understand that it's okay to wonder but also understand it's a healing process.
Thank you so much, I appreciate you making time to read this one. Healing is absolutely a process, and the growth doesn’t come easy. But we’re better because of those who have embarked on that journey toward wholeheartedness and invited us to join them through their bravery and honesty.
Alex I listened to this without my snacks, on an empty stomach at 6am, but I digested this like a whole meal.
This triggers the fuck out of me but from a male perspective I get it. Respected.
I'm thinking of my father and our talks. Listening to his stories of his childhood was difficult. I would be halfway through my 30s when he finally takes off his mask to me. I see a man that is still angry with his mother and growing up without his father active in his life. The poor black boy from Columbus, MS that grew up too soon and witnessed too much. He dreamed of the ideal family he always wanted as a kid and wasn't able to achieve that as an adult.
How can he be a good father to me if he mirrors the same behavior of his father? He tried but he doesn't get father of the year. I parted ways from him because our relationship became too complicated. But I still love him though. I turned out ok.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. This was great to listen to.🤎
“I see a man that is still angry with his mother and growing up without his father active in his life. The poor black boy from Columbus, MS that grew up too soon and witnessed too much. He dreamed of the ideal family he always wanted as a kid and wasn't able to achieve that as an adult.”
this has given me a number to reflect on, Alex. Damn!
i never thought about this angle from the lens of my father but as i read this, certain things came up. And now, i think i have clues as to why things played out the way they did.
there’s a line from noah kahan’s “Growing sideways” song that says; I’m still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them”
as i clocked 30 couple months back, clarity on so many levels hit me. But thanks to folks like you who take off the mask every day on this app, it makes it easy for me to self reflect. 🫂
🫂
I understand that parents don't want to share their painful pasts with their kids. I listened the stories from my father, mother and maternal grandmother. Each of them carrying the sins and curses from their parents. My parents didn't have anyone to talk to but the weight was lifted knowing they could confide in me. Giving them permission to get up and walk in peace because they've been shackled to the past.
When my parents get called to the ancestors, I don't want to be left wondering who they were...even if its ugly.
“When my parents get called to the ancestors, I don't want to be left wondering who they were...even if it’s ugly.”
that is so sharp! you’ve put in the work, Alex. Grateful to be learning about you everyday. 🥹
Thank you Tobi. Grateful to know more about you too.🤎
This is beautiful. Just want to say I appreciate y’all sharing yourselves with me. I didn’t even know if anyone would venture into this essay because of its length, so it’s throwing me for a loop to witness you both sharing hard but necessary truths here. I’m thankful these words could meet y’all where you are even if painful.
thanks for holding space. 🫂
It's definitely worth listening to and it's something to think about. We see how we live without them, but what would our lives be like with them actively around? Does our craft fill the dark void from absent or part time fathers? For most.
As an artist, I've created both visual + literary arts from places of hurt when I dwell on the memories of my father. I asked him the tough questions and he answered them honestly, leaving me saddened, angry + disgusted. I'm hurt because we wanted the same thing. He needed his father and I needed him.
Does it take unsettled ill feelings to produce masterpieces? Probably because we're trying to let them go. They're our confessions while trying to "make peace" with it all.
This is an incredible, and necessary, piece of writing. Thank you for the effort and willingness to share this with us. I know a few Black men I’ll be sending this too
Thank you for the effort and willingness to read it. I know this one was a beast lol. But thank you, brother. You’re a model of generative writing for so many of us on here, and I’m grateful to be a part of that lineage. You blessed me fam 🙏🏽
I want every man I know to read this. Even with father around the toxic tropes of masculinity really mess so much up! Do undo this takes immense courage. Unfortunately most men don’t have it
Thank you, Mukta. I’m honored. I’m hoping we can all find our way home.
bro!! what you bring to the substack table can never be replicated. You’re just one of one. Your connectional intelligence is epic!!
gives my mind the necessary lubrication it needs.
grateful for your pen, Sir Alex. 🙇🏽♂️🙇🏽♂️
Grateful for you, bro! Thank you! These words give me life 🥹🥲
so well done -- your research is phenomenal alex! absolutely loved hearing this in your voiceover.
Thank you, Alix! The research is my favorite part 🥰
Was excited to dig into this and it contained more heart and wisdom than I ever could have asked for. Well done!!
Honored, thank you!!!! Can’t wait to read your new joint
This was a great read Alex, and it’s been something on my mind for a long time so I’m glad someone put pen to pad. Father Time from Kendrick is the one that always gets me because it’s so reflective of my own relationship with my father, and how as an adult I’m trying to unpack the real lessons, harms, shortfalls and moments of clarity. Bravo to you homie, as usual your pen and your voice ring clear and true!
Father Time is such a special song, man. I’m so glad we have it. And I’m so glad you made time to sit with this one. You’re my fellow rap nerd on here, and it’s a gift to get to love this genre with you.
this was a great read well done!! father time was my most played song of this year so i was drawn immediately to this post lol thank you for writing
Thank you so much for reading! It’s such a great song and has stuck with me since it came out. I appreciate the emotional vulnerability and hope we get more songs like it
appreciate the boogie mentions. he is one of the most emotionally authentic rappers out.
No doubt, he’s honestly the piece that allowed this to be a full essay. Thanks for reading!
Dope post man. I really love the way you weave the growth of these three artists into a larger, important argument about the need for men with their own daddy issues to step up and find a way, too. Excellent.
Grateful for the kind words, bro. Thank you for reading. We’re capable of being more than the examples we’ve been handed.
Amen to that.
The bit about parents being handed “imperfect instructions” is realer than real. For many of us, understanding and forgiving them is a lifelong pursuit.
Thanks, Amar. And that’s real, I know that’s been my experience.
Christmas with only my old man. Here we go again 😮💨
This was a fantastic read. I teared up as you mentioned wanting father figures. I just recently realized I wanted mother figures in the women I used to work for. I wanted them to give me grace, and validate me like I needed my mom too. This was beautiful. Thank you for your words!
Thank you so much, Diamonde. I’m honored you took the time to read this essay and share how it resonated with you. I don’t take that lightly, it’s a gift and encourages me to keep returning to the page. Consciously and unconsciously, for better or worse, we look for the things we didn’t have when we were kids. Hoping we find what we need, even if it’s within ourselves.
Whew! You said THAT. It is so true. Your words, your observations, are a gift!
Now you’ve gone and done it. Incredible stuff dude.
Brother I’m glad you’re here. Thank you ❤️
I know it's almost an aside here, but I got a lot of comfort in reading "I don’t know if I’ll ever have kids" - I'm in the same boat, but it's not a pov I see very often in media. Thank you for showing us yourself and letting us relate. Beautiful work as always
I like to be open about it when I can for that exact reason! There’s comfort in knowing we’re not alone. Thanks for helping me feel that today. And thanks for reading this one, it means a lot 🫂
Such a solid through line here, Alex. Thank you for sharing - going to revisit Mr.Morale <3
Emma hi!!! So great to hear from you, thank you ❤️ I appreciate you spending time with this one